Dear Family,
I am just about to end my fast so I can´t think very well
but I had some extremely humbling experiences this week and I just want to
share everything I can with all of you.
I attended my last leadership meeting in mendoza this week. I
don´t think I will miss the 4 hour bus rides but it was powerful. On the ride
there I got to thinking about all the zones I have been able to work in. Out of
the twelve zones I have done missionary work in 10 and spent at least multiple
days in 8 zones. And when I got to consejo I was fairly excited to bear my
final testimony. I have been to 12 consejo´s which means I have witnessed many
many many missionaries give their last testimonies over the last year. You can
tell who have died and who has only become more powerful. I was so excited to
prove that I have not died and just feel the whole room with the spirit. But as
I stood to give my last testimony, nothing came. I have always felt so guided
by the spirit and no direction came. I bore the simple truths that I know are
true and sat down humiliated. I learned a powerful lesson, that I hope to never
ever repeat. Without the spirit we are nothing. It doesn´t matter how long I
have served a mission, how long I have been in leadership, how many zones I have
served in, I am still infinitely separated from God if I am not humble and
properly access the atonement. It hurt to see how prideful I was. I feel
embarrassed for even admitting out loud that I actually wanted to prove that I
was a good missionary. The spirit is always hard to access when our focus is on
ourselves.
This week I have also been fairly sick, which made
everything worse. We had so much to do, and we ended up doing it all anyways,
against my companions better judgment but I figure I can recuperate when I am
home. But this week things have changed. I just love these people so much. I
just wish I could restart my mission and serve again with all that I have
learned and with all the love I have now. And I guess I will just have to love
y´´all to death when I get back.
It was awesome to hear that Ben got baptised. Ironically
enough we had a baptism the same day. And I just couldn´t help think about Ben
and how exciting it is that he got baptized. I still cant believe I have
nephews the age of getting baptized but then again I guess Little Jeffrey will
be getting the preisthood next year.
Was going to share a super funny experience but I just got
like three calls in a row and should probably go fix a couple problems. But I
will be able to talk to you all soon.
But to answer a couple questions fast.
Dad, I am not taking block classes, I accept the assignment
to speak on the 28th, I don´t really care where I work but I have a feeling I
will have a couple options, I still am planning on going down to Albuquerque
but it won´t be for too long, and it is not because I don´t love you guys. Give
me three days and you will want to kick me out of the house again.
Love you all!
Hermana Hill!
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